Hate Notes

After receiving this note on my car (and I wanted to include a picture of the note so you could see exactly how things were worded; that there was, in fact, no signature; and so you could read the emphasis for yourself), I am going to include all of my rough drafts for a reply here.

Dear Anonymous,
I'm sorry that your son/daughter doesn't love you enough to give you their own assigned spot when you visit like we do for ours.
Regretfully,
Natalia

Dear Anonymous,
I'd love to discuss the reasons I use a spot in my own parking lot over some hot chocolate or dinner. Sadly, you left no name or contact information. I choose to eat Doritos casserole tonight in honor of your note and hereby revoke my invitation so there is more for me.
Sincerely,
Natalia

Dear Anonymous family member,
If you would take the time to notice, there are four visitor spots in our entire parking lot, which accommodates 44 apartments. I noticed you didn't leave notes wrapped in Ziplock bags on anyone else's car. Thanks for singling me out.
Gratefully,
Nataia

Dear writer of anonymous notes,
It's spelled "Wymount" and "frustrated," and you capitalized your V in "visit." And those are just the things that are incorrectly written, not everything that is incorrect.
Grammatically yours,
Natalia

Dear person who I'm starting to feel sorry for,
Your note backfired. My husband and I have discussed the issue and we are never, EVER moving my car again.
Sucks to be you,
Natalia

Dear lady,
I will make some assumptions to return the favor you made for me. First, I'm assuming that you're actually a parent of someone here in Wymount. That would put you in the middle-aged range. This also almost assuredly means that all of your children are past car seat age. I park in spots close to my home because I have a ten month old daughter who cannot yet walk and has to be transported in a car seat. This means I am always carrying AT LEAST 30 lbs worth of cargo (this is not an exaggeration; I weighed both). When I go grocery shopping or do laundry, it is both inconvenient and difficult to park in an unlabeled spot (which you are also welcome to use) that is almost two-tenths of a mile away. And I don't mean inconvenient in an I-don't-want-to-carry-something-further way, I mean it in an I-have-to-carry-my-child-with-me-at-all-times way.
Use your own extra walking time to learn how to whistle,
Natalia

Dear anonymously jerky,
I don't like parking in my assigned parking spot. My spot is located next to two foreign families who have both told me that they don't drive or park well (and while I love them and they're sweet, good people, they're also being totally honest about this). Every time I travel, I travel with a ten month old in a car seat, which means I have to insert and remove a car seat every time I use my car. This is made very difficult if the car next to me is parked closer than two feet away from the door. The visitor spot in question is on the end of a row, which means that, if I back in, I have all the space in the world to put my child into the car safely and remove her from it. I'm sure that you, a concerned family member, would understand this.
Spacially,
Natalia

Dear secret sister of time,
Wow, we must have the exact same schedule of needing to be in Wymount if it's only ever my car in that spot. I can assure you that I only park my car in that slot about 40 - 50% of the time. And, oddly enough, my car is not "always" there. In fact, I was going to use it today but didn't (see note #5) but that is also not the first time I would have used it this week. I was gone for two hours on Tuesday and an hour on Monday. In fact, my car wasn't there for most of last week; I was only able to park in the visitor spot close to my apartment just before the weekend.
Better luck next time,
Natalia

Dear non-resident,
When I signed up to live at Wymount, I specifically asked the management where I was supposed to park my car because my family is lucky enough to own two. They told me to use the visitor spots.
Take that,
Natalia